Who I am. Well, in case you wonder, I’m a mostly nice and kind, also silly and naive, trustworthy, maybe too dreamy, a crap of a human being that’s blindly searching for some piece of happiness. I like to think back at the time when I was a kid and knew no worries and disappointments, but these memories are now just a reminder for the days that suck the happiness out of me. I know I’m being sometimes too emotional, too sentimental, but then I think of myself not being all that and I would probably hate myself if I would stop these feelings from coming. I am who I am for what I can give to people, for how I make them feel and that’s probably the reason why each person that comes into my life means so much to me. Just cause I have feelings, doesn’t make a weak person, in fact, I’m thankful for this cause, there are feelings like really great feelings that just warm up my soul.
Sadly, I’m not really capable of showing people the person I really am, cause sometimes my behavior is kind of misleading. Before starting to write this I had so many thoughts and I knew exactly what I wanted to put on paper, but now, I doubt the purpose of it. I am afraid. I always am. Sometimes I catch myself to the thought that there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I still am. Don’t even know why I write this anymore, I just feel like I have to say it. Never meant to hurt anyone on purpose, always tried to fit someone else’s needs rather than mines. That was my biggest mistake. I get too attached to people, I let them too deep in my soul and mind, I fall in love and then realize that it was totally not the case. I know I’m not going to be here for a long time and I might not feel what I feel now, but what I felt was amazing and the memories don’t go away that easy. I guess it helps to write down what’s in your head just to confirm to yourself how stupid you can be to write about your feelings at 3 a.m., what a dumbass, but I don’t want to keep them inside anymore. Just wanted to clarify that I am a human being with a heart that beats 24/7, about 60 beats a minute, it gets up to 90 beats a minute when I’m nervous. The most funny and sad at the same time thing is that I clearly understand that you don’t give a fu*k about all of this shit, but I still continue writing. Silly, right? So yeah, that’s a part of me. Nice to meet you. (shaking hands)
P.S.Just know, that if you don’t care, don’t make people think otherwise, don’t make them feel special.